A letter for my Beloved Valentine

"The story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity."

Dear Dadi,

Ever since you walked into my life at unexpected time, I have been smiling. There hasn't been a day when I have gone to sleep with a frown on my face, and it's all because of you., I am glad that you came into my life.

After a failed relationship of mine I decided not to go into another relationship and I prefer to be single forever.  Before, I have always wanted the love of my life to be understanding, loving, caring, faithful and most of all someone who would accept me for who I am. Now I have found the person I was looking for.

 from http://www.shutterstock.com/pic.mhtml?id=49104046

But, my heart told me that my Prince Charming was there…. I didn’t expect the simple message in my Friendster inbox “Kamusta ka Batch, ang ganda mo now ah” will go go along way. I am not more so fun in Cyber world the time we met and I admit I don’t knew how and what is about chatting or messenger.  I admit that I never entertained  crazy things about guys kaya isang tanong isang sagot lang lagi our exchanging messages in email and Friendster.  We became cyber friends, I remember we called each other “oi”.  We both felt that we had known each other for so long, kaya minsan nagtataka tayo na bakit ganun na lang kagaan at sobrang at home tayo sa isat isa everytime we talked(when in fact we had last seen each other during our RIBSAT days and we are classmate in 1st year high school at RNHS and at the same time we both quited). After 16years our paths was crossed and the story of unconditional love begin.

We discovered that we had same thoughts same dreams and goal in life we shared our sorrows and pain from the past, our failed relationship in the past, You became my shoulder to cry on.  You courted me but I ignored you because there is no spark on me and the feeling is you are only a close cyber friend  to me.  And, I always treated it as a joke (sorry to say it :) ) to the fact that am in a trouble relationship that time and I want to settle everything just to live into a normal life being single together with my kid.

I didn’t’ knew that thru your friend Rey Mangaring (and now my bff also) pinakaliskisan mo ako :), so funny yet am amazed to knew it thereafter.  You showed your eagerness to win my heart, til you did the big rule in a roller coaster relationship I had then and finally out and free from a 5year “bangungot”  and am very much thankful because after that long years of full of lies and pains I was able to get out ( because I knew I wont deserved to someone who cheated me emotionally and financially).

But, I admit you took advantaged (amininnnn :) the chance and time I am nursing myself from the pain, hatred and my roller coaster mind,  you are sooo makulit :) . You hit a part of mine when  you courted my son :) and instantly you became closer than me, maybe it's because my son longing for a father love and he found it from you so funny how can I say “NO” if you win the heart of my son.  Do you remember the first time you call me mommy or mami? and the first time you said I love you? That time I read those words in the chatbox I felt so uneasy mixed emotions because I felt you are seriously saying it and sabi ko naku patay mukhang napasubo na ako ng di oras nito.  And, do you still remember me I said wag mo akong pilitin mag sabi ng I love You kasi para sa akin yong salitang iyon ay sinasabi ko lamang sa taong alam ko mahal na mahal ko at hinde basta basta salitang binibitawan, pero sobra kulit mo eh :) ero sabi ko nga ulit hintayin mo na kusa akong magsabi ng I love you, and by that time na masabi ko na sa iyo hinding hinde mo pagsisisihan dahil sulit na sulit ka :) kapag dumating yong time na yon.  Do you still remember na I was afraid from you? And I remember I told Rey na nakakatakot naman yong taong yon nakasalubong ang kilay sabi ko parang ang tapang tapang at parang nakakatakot tignan.  I admit na sa iyo lang ako nakaramdam ng takot but your bff told me sobra kang mabait then that was the start I used my short knowledge as psychologist and I used my inner human instinct together with the prayer Lord lead me to the right way I know this is wrong but I am offer it to YOU my wholelife and my journey towards my lovelife.  

And until, you decided to go home to meet us. The first time we met that is the time I decided also to go somewhere just to released all the stressed I had from my ex and you insist to go with me in Baguio together with my cousin you spent your first 3 days with us in Baguio and do you remember also you cried and I asked you why are you crying? And you just replied mahal na mahal kita at wag mo akong iiwan and I just smiled and wipe your tears and I said yes (pero nagulat ako sa sinagot ko mukhang napasubo na naman ako bahala na ulit  hehehe).  I salute you to overcome all the stupid things like sa pagbabanta sa buhay mo from my ex boyfriend. Remember this email you forwarded to me from my ex bf na uubusin nya ang lahat ng bala ng 9mm nya sayo? But, still di ka pa din nagpapigil.  Your 2 months vacation is so fearful for me then because I was afraid what my ex bf will do to you.  then you told me to call my parents to convinced them to come over here in manila to formally ask their blessing to our soon to be ongoing relationship   You did a guts to talk one on one to my parents (and mind you don mo ako napabilib so you earned 3 points na :) ).  I told myself “bahala na” come what may. How can I say NO if you already  win them all ( I still remember you blushed when my father said to settle first an annulment from your first marriage) kasi akala mo my father will reject you :).

We had so many troubles during your 2 months vacation from my ex and to your ex wife and I came to my decision then to quit coz I don’t want to get into another complicated relationship, to mine am not sure then if am inlove with you only the thing I had in my mind then is you win the heart of my loveones.  In a short of time sila pa ang nauna na ma inlove sa iyo :).  At  nakikita ko paano ka nila minahal, and I got too many sleepless nights. The time you went back to KSA, you became more loving and responsible person to us and I enjoyed the loved and care you always showed us and that is the time I remembered  I started to missing you, thinking and asking myself if “Mahal ko na ba sya?”.  Then, that was the start am teaching myself to love and appreciate all your efforts I decided to forget all my fears and hopping for good and I didn't have to think twice when we formally living in together.

The past years we had been together is a test for us how we are strong, we experienced ups in down emotionally and financially.  Financially we easily overcome it but when it comes to the trials to our relationship caused by other persons we both become paranoid and we had 3x almost giving up our relationship.  Thank you to our friends not lovers relationship, we learned to kill our both ego’s, we learned how to give and take relationship, we learned how to open up bad and good things inside in our heart, we learned how to communicate and thank you because you learned how to open up everything, and thank you because you learned the importance of relationship being a friend and not lovers / couple.  Thank you for always trying our best to save our relationship. 

I am not an ideal wife/partner to you but I really tried my very best to be an ideal one for you.  We both appreciate the value of having  “happy family” and that is the reason why we always overcome all the ups in down. And from the first time we met we do believed in destiny and soulmate and we do believed we are soulmate.  Our love deepen and going more stronger this time and someday all our dreams for our childrens will come true because we are trying our best to do all the best for them and for us as one family.  Marriage is just in a piece of paper, this time the important is we both happy and we always do the best for our family, the respect and love is always there. 

I am happy that even we had the right love in a wrong time I knew HE blessed us since all that I/we prayed was granted recently by HIM.

I knew that you were Mr. Perfect. I don't think that there is, or there could be, anyone better than you out there for me.

I love you with my whole heart. I have trust you. Sometime I even doubt myself, but I know I will never doubt you because you are my true love and soulmate. I know deep down inside that you will never break my heart or never let me down in anyway.

Thank you for everything. I pray to HIM everyday to bless us with everything we deserve. I will love you until the end of time and continue fighting for your greatest love and I continue holding on for all the love and joy you bring with me / us.

HAPPY VALENTINE and advance Happy Anniversary!

Love,
Mami