Trust No More?

 “The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.”

Do you believe that if you are an honest person you are easily to believe all the people around you? And if you give trust to somebody because you are also a trusted person?

photo borrowed from www.12rf.com

I don't say am a perfect woman and never commit mistakes.  But looking back to the past, I can say I am more on the good side pagdating sa mga bagay bagay na ginagawa ko. I am always thinking for all the best I can do for myself, for my siblings, my parents, my kids and to the people around me. I don't want to be perfect, but I always try doing the best  I can do.  I started to join Legion of Mary during my elementary days, and loves to join prayer meetings every friday.  I remember pinapalo ako ng father ko, every time am goin home late in the evening, kasi nga daw wala naman ako mapapala sa pagiging active ko sa mga ganung religious activities.  Then, I have nothing to do but to cry at tanggapin na lang lahat ng sinasabi ng father ko, isa akong batang masunurin, tahimik, at masipag. I obey my parents except for my religious activity kung saan lagi ko din kasama ang aking lola.  

Being active to the word of God I must admit na am aware how to be a good christian or how to be a good daughter of God (Except for the fact that one of HIS commandments  unfortunately I was broken) I trust God in everything, since then until now. Umabot din ako sa point na I became hesitant to HIM, and it was during the time na I'm almost fall on the ground at feeling ko HE ignored me.  But, I realized it was HIM who tested me how my faith to HIM will go beyond.  I Have big trust to HIM the way I trust people around me. I am an honest to goodness person kaya naman ganun na lang din ako magtiwala sa aking kapwa, kaya naman if there is somebody who did broke my trust I felt the pain inside.  But, as a natural me or who I am, am the person I can easily forgave, but, mind you mahirap na ko ulit magtiwala pa.  I still consider some reasons but sometimes di maiwasan itanong ko sa sarili ko if I am still going to trust peoplearound me.

I do some lies but it's just a white lies, un tipong magsisinungaling ako just for the sake of not hurting one people or basta sa ikabubuti at hindi ikakasakit ng isang tao.  I hate liar people. Liars are cheaters too also, ang masakit lang kapag those liar person are the people who are close to our heart.  I forgive and forgave for how many times dahil what I said hinde ako likas na masama madali ako makalimot sa mga pagkakamaling nagagawa sakin ng mga mahal ko sa buhay at ng kapwa ko, dahil naniniwala ako na God is always ready to forgive all the sinners, ako pa kaya na tao lamang?.  But, sometimes nakakapagod din kapag paulit ulit na marami ang nanloloko at nagsisinungaling, the reason na lagi akong nasasaktan it's just because I trust them always.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, during some sleepless night, I always ask myself what's wrong with me? And I asked myself kung ako ba ang mali dahil sobra sobra talaga ako magtiwala at sobra akong honest sa lahat ng bagay? Do I need to give limitations? Do I need give trust to anybody? Do I need to tell the truth always?  But, this is me! How can I change myself to the things that I used too and what  my heart dictates me.  I don't expect people around  to please or understand me, but how I wish them to be honest and be trustworthy kahit minsan lang. Too bad some are like this, they don't know how they hurt the person whom they lied.  Do I trust no more? Ito laging tanong tuwing nagbibigay ka ng tiwala at muli itong susubukin ng pagkakataon.

Hinde masama ang magbigay ng tiwala, pero sadyang sa mundo nating ginagalawan ay merong mga bagay na dapat nating unawain at lalawakan ang ating pang unawa.

 

"I detest the man who hides one thing in the depth of his heart and speaks forth another."

Homer